Life isn't only about living for many years. I've come to believe that life is about living fully during whatever time that we have without self-pity, being as happy as possible, making a difference by helping others and enjoying the adventure. If Adele can love herself and her Diabetes enough to live this way, I believe that I will have succeeded as a father. Thanks for reading...
Monday, November 9, 2009
Love part two
Dear anonymous, thanks for your comment on the last post about LOVING Diabetes. I had the feeling that this post would not agree with everyone and I appreciate your honesty. I've been thinking about this one for a while now trying to make sense of this Type 1 game that we play.
A while back, I decided that I wanted to someday be able to say that I'm a better person because of Diabetes. I had absolutely no idea how and didn't know if I really could, but I decided that I wanted to try my best to turn this negative into a positive. I'm still not there yet and am not sure if I ever will. I've struggled (and still do) so much with this. Like you, I constantly worry about Adele's short term well being as well as her long term prognosis. With this constant stress, sleep and peace of mind are not what they used to be. Our whole life is not what it used to be.
But recently, I've come to realize that when I think about this in a negative way (why us? i just want to sleep? i'm so tired? if only this could just go away?) I am letting Diabetes win. The more negative thoughts and actions that I have, the more I am feeding the negative aspects of Diabetes. After a while these thoughts become me and I turn into a bitter father full of hatred. My attitude towards Diabetes then becomes Adele's as she grows older. Do I want this to be her destiny? I can't control the fact that she has Type 1 and some of it's outcome, but this is one thing that I can control. It is my choice. Thinking about this some more, I realized that the sure and only way to beat this is to love it. By loving what you hate you begin to sow good instead of bad. It is part of Adele and I love her dearly, so I also need to love her Diabetes as well. At first I also thought that this was absurd and not possible, and maybe it isn't, but now I have decided that it is the direction that I want to go in. By embracing Diabetes and feeding the positive as much as I can, I will be drowning the negative. I believe in the importance of venting and talking about how difficult and stressful living with Type 1 often is, but also to not dwell on this too long since it will become me.
I don't expect everyone to agree, but simply wanted to share the idea at the beginning of my journey.