Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Merry Christmas !!

The fat lady has not finished singing yet, so the Type 1 game is still on. It's been keeping us quite busy these past weeks with all the special Christmas activities at Adele's school and daycare. These celebratory festivities often involve food treats and a change in the daily routine, both of which force us to make adjustments in our Type 1 game plan. We're all tired, but mostly enjoying the festive time of year. Adele is very, very excited!

My brain has been behaving for the most part. It did start acting up though last week when I came across a story on a Diabetes support forum about a young man who died in 2002 while sleeping when his insulin pump malfunctioned going into prime mode and "priming" (or injecting) the entire contents of his insulin cartridge. He never woke up. This story scared me so much that I couldn't get it out of my head. I initially thought about keeping these thoughts to myself, but decided to share here to make a point of how delicate the Type 1 game is. We're trying to constantly maintain a balance using a very, very powerful drug called insulin. With over 100 units of insulin in Adele's pump (way more than the lethal dose) directly connected to her body, it's basically like walking around with a loaded gun pointed at your head. Similar to a gun, there are safety features in the pump that minimize the likelyhood of a malfunction, but the analogy makes our reality quite scary. How would you feel if your child was living with a loaded gun pointed to her head?

I still drive my car and my bike even if accident statistics tell me that I shouldn't, so I have decided to let it go. I've also decided to stay away from Diabetes support forums for a while. Reading about long-term complications, problems and tragedies like this doesn't help me. Even if the positive information on those sites is helpful and encouraging, the also present negative aspects and comments just get to me too much. I may just be burying my head in the sand? If I am, so be it...

Adele wrote a letter to one of her heros (Santa) a few weeks ago. This gave me the idea to also write a letter to one of my favorite heros:

Dear Adele,

I often tell you how proud I am of you, but still don't think that I tell you enough. I am proud of all of the hard work that you have done in school so far this year which resulted in a very, very good report card. I am proud of how you handle the pain, inconvieniences and sacrifices that you need to make because of your Diabetes. I am proud of you when you manage to maintain a brave face in spite of all of the needles that we need to poke you with. I am proud of your awesome performance in your school Christmas concert as well as the Christmas show that you did at daycare. I am proud of your swimming accomplishments this past year.

Continue to live without self-pity and never, ever let your Diabetes hold you back from acheiving your dreams of becoming either a teacher or a doctor, representing Canada by swimming in the Olympics, owning a big house with a pool and getting married and having the 2 kids that you often talk about.

I'm sorry that I sometimes hurt you with the multiple needles that you need to stay alive. I'm sorry that I sometimes lose patience with you when your blood sugar doesn't cooperate with your treatment. It's not your fault whatsoever and I will try to not take out my Type 1 game frustrations on you. All that I want is for you to be happy and as healthy as possible.

You're growing up to be a very, very special big girl with many qualities. I hope that you can one day find a reason for all of your Diabetes suffering and that you are able to use this to continue to make a difference.

Merry Christmas Adele
I love you

Papa

6 comments:

Nicole said...

WOW amazing post, thank you for sharing!

Pierre said...

Hi Mike,

I want to wish you and your family a wonderful Xmas and a new year that will bring advancement in the chase of your dream, a cure for T1 Diabetes. Keep it alive!

Sincerely,

Pierre B et famille

Joanne said...

Mike,

I saw your profile as a follower on my blog. Your letter to your daughter made me tear up; it's beautiful and she is very lucky to have sunch a wonderful father fighting alongside her.

It's also nice to connect with my fellow Canadians, even though I am hanging out well south of the border. May I add you to my blog list?

Can't wait to read more of your blog and get to know you better.

Joanne

phonelady said...

hey Mike I just found your blog through my sista from another mista Joanne and she is awesome and yeah the big d is so hard and we are all living it every day , Me I am the mom of a t1 25 yr old diabetic who was dxed when he was 6 and I am also one dxed at 23 and they said that most likely I have had it un dxed for a while before that . Oh well Merry christmas and hope you will stop by my blog and follow me . Oh well Merry christmas from my house to yours .
Cathy aka phonelady61

Lora said...

Hi Mike,
I love your letter to Adele. She is a very lucky little lady.

Also, I am with you on the forums. The complications are always stored in the back of my mind, but I had to stop focusing on them and enjoy today. I decided to keep in mind that though I am by no means perfect... I do the best I can to care for Justin. Lets just hope there is a cure before any of our children need to worry about the complications.

Happy Holidays...

Meri said...

Hello there! I found you just when you are ready to step back from the cyber world. I am with you 100% on the negative stories. They stay with you...even if our rational brains tell us otherwise...they tuck themselves away in the back of our minds. I try to be positive about things...but as I am more connected, I feel less secure about what I am doing. I question myself more...and that doesn't help anything.

I'd like to add you to my blog list...and hope you pop up to let us know how your family is doing.

I hope this new year brings you and your family much happiness!