Alone

During one of my rides last week, my settled mind wandering, I started thinking about the people in my life that I truly enjoy spending time with. The people that I can genuinely be myself with. The people that get me. The people that I talk about real stuff with. I had a hard time finding 10 names. And that was counting my dog Zen. I’m not sure if this is supposed to make me feel happy or feel sad? There’s no doubt that I am an introvert. It’s not really that I’m anti-social. It’s just that I’m anti-bullshit, anti-fakeshit. Asking someone how they’re doing even if you don’t want to know the real answer is hypocritical. Small talk. Chitchat. Trivial conversation. So artificial. That’s why it can be so tiring after a while. That’s one thing that I love about working from home because of the current Covid pandemic. I don’t need to politely fake it all day. Long solo rides have always had a hypocrisy cleansing effect for me. Out there, by myself, I can really just be myself. And if I’m completely honest, I find that there are not enough opportunities for this in today’s fast paced, robotic world. I like being alone. And I can’t really remember the last time that I felt lonely. I believe that is one of the things that meditation teaches. It teaches us how to be alone and well simultaneously. I remember hating Saturday nights spent home by myself when I was young. It made me feel so depressed. That’s the thing with youth. Lots and lots of friends, even if they’re not real friends, is what we all want. Security. Popularity. Proof that we’re worthy. But as we grow older, we begin to understand that our worthiness comes from the inside. It’s the only kind of worthiness that is everlasting. How comfortable are you with solitude?