Monday, December 23, 2019

Winter Solstice

Winter solstice. The shortest day of the year. The end of earth’s six month exhalation. The culmination of earth’s yearly light purge. The day when the earth is the most titled away from the sun. The extra darkness leaving us starving for light oxygen, making all life seem so very lifeless. A time for laying low, rest, recovery and rejuvenation. Why do humans have such a hard time embracing it as such? We’ve created these holidays that enable us to reconnect and spend time with our loved ones during this dim time of the year. But we end up running around in a frenzy as we rush and scramble, overfilling our days with parties and social outings. Are we missing the point? It may be a question worth asking? As much as winter solstice can feel like a low point, it also represents hope and brighter days ahead as the days now start to get longer. The beginning of earth’s six month inhalation. The switch from dying to rebirth as our planet starts to lean back into the sun, the source of all life. I have often said that I am not built or designed to live in this Canadian climate. Something about my body having a hard time thriving in this winter cold and darkness. But then again, it may just be that like other humans in the western society that I live in, I simply try to squeeze in too much, expecting to maintain the pace of warmer and longer days? Nature has its own rhythm. And the only way to thrive in it is to adopt the same frequency and amplitude. Winter solstice.

Tuesday, December 10, 2019


Shine. Endlessly chasing darkness, but never able to catch it, its rays simply continuously shine. Source of life energy and radiant light, it asks nothing but our embrace, our gift from this universe. Even when obscured by cloud cover or hidden on the other side of this planet earth, it is still there. It still gleams. Endlessly trailing the darkness that it can never meet, it radiates. The sun. Our revolving point. The darkness antidote. Both darkness and light cannot exist simultaneously. As soon as light appears, darkness disappears. It’s a scientific fact. Darkness, by definition, is the absence of light. As I sit here, in a certain darkness, I need to remind myself of this. As I sit here, all I need is to let this pass. All I need is to sit in the stillness of this night and wait for dawn of the new day. All I need is to wait for the light to bring me back to life. All I need is to let myself… Shine.

Thursday, December 5, 2019

Is it worth dying for?

Search and discover what you are passionate about in this life and spend your time slowly killing yourself pursuing it. Sickness is never easy even if it is eventually always inevitable. We try to find someone or something to blame in an attempt to maintain our false belief that life is under our control. Loss of health is so very humbling, an undeniable reminder of our fragility. The standstill so very uncomfortable. The dismantling of the indestructibility illusion in our mind so very unsettling. As I recover from my bout with viral pericarditis, I have a new found appreciation for the simple feeling of my beating heart without the pain. For the time being, this feeling that was once unnoticeable has become very palpable. I miss my bike. Mostly, I miss where my bike takes me. I feel very grateful that soon, we will go there again. What are you pursuing? Is it worth dying for?

Sunday, December 1, 2019


Self-love. Five hours after taking this picture last Friday, I’m lying on a stretcher in ER with fever and chest pains. I try to get some sleep between the ATV rider whimpering in agony holding his broken arm and the 15 year old hockey player who can’t remember what he ate for supper after a head hit in tonight’s game. Hooked up to this machine beside me, I glance over every once in a while to see what all of these attached wires are measuring. After over 15 hours, the diagnosis is viral pericarditis. A deja vu from almost 5 years ago. As I begin to feel much better, I wonder what this is trying to teach me. What does my broken heart need in this moment? Love. Self-love.