Wide awake. Still half asleep. Feeling completely submerged in it. This darkness that sneaks in at night. Where does it come from? Was it there all along? Hiding in the forgotten corners of my unenlightened egoic narrative? Or did it creep in from the dead of this lightless night? This shadow that has been by my side for so long now. Is there a way to stop it from seeking me? If I were to name it, I would describe it simply as a deep sense of sadness. Not depression or unbearable despair. Full body sadness. Motionlessly laying here. I focus on my breath. Surrendering to this sudden melancholy. Meditating with it. Over an hour goes by before I finally drift off again into a deep sleep. As the morning light peeks through my bedroom window, I wake up feeling much lighter. The sadness has left me. December 21st. Winter solstice. The shortest day of this year. The longest night. Being of this world, a living part of it really, I cannot help but to also feel what it is feeling. More darkness outside also means more darkness inside. All other living beings laying low right now. Resting. Recovering. Healing. Maybe every season has its purpose? Even this dark season. Maybe its reason is that certain truths can only be seen and understood in the dark? This sadness is only unbearable when I resist it. Instead of searching for artificial light, I am learning that it’s best to just sit with it. Eyes open. Or eyes closed. It’s all the same in the dark. Let go. Soft pedal. And wait for the reemerging light. The shift is here. The shift is now. As the seasonal pendulum switches directions. Momentarily pausing at the top. The magic ingredient is patience. The light is coming. I can feel it. It's just a matter of time now. Happy Winter Solstice everyone.
