Dear anonymous, thanks for your comment on the last post about LOVING Diabetes. I had the feeling that this post would not agree with everyone and I appreciate your honesty. I've been thinking about this one for a while now trying to make sense of this Type 1 game that we play.
A while back, I decided that I wanted to someday be able to say that I'm a better person because of Diabetes. I had absolutely no idea how and didn't know if I really could, but I decided that I wanted to try my best to turn this negative into a positive. I'm still not there yet and am not sure if I ever will. I've struggled (and still do) so much with this. Like you, I constantly worry about Adele's short term well being as well as her long term prognosis. With this constant stress, sleep and peace of mind are not what they used to be. Our whole life is not what it used to be.
But recently, I've come to realize that when I think about this in a negative way (why us? i just want to sleep? i'm so tired? if only this could just go away?) I am letting Diabetes win. The more negative thoughts and actions that I have, the more I am feeding the negative aspects of Diabetes. After a while these thoughts become me and I turn into a bitter father full of hatred. My attitude towards Diabetes then becomes Adele's as she grows older. Do I want this to be her destiny? I can't control the fact that she has Type 1 and some of it's outcome, but this is one thing that I can control. It is my choice. Thinking about this some more, I realized that the sure and only way to beat this is to love it. By loving what you hate you begin to sow good instead of bad. It is part of Adele and I love her dearly, so I also need to love her Diabetes as well. At first I also thought that this was absurd and not possible, and maybe it isn't, but now I have decided that it is the direction that I want to go in. By embracing Diabetes and feeding the positive as much as I can, I will be drowning the negative. I believe in the importance of venting and talking about how difficult and stressful living with Type 1 often is, but also to not dwell on this too long since it will become me.
I don't expect everyone to agree, but simply wanted to share the idea at the beginning of my journey.
Life isn't only about living for many years. I've come to believe that life is about living fully during whatever time that we have without self-pity, being as happy as possible, making a difference by helping others and enjoying the adventure. If Adele can love herself and her Diabetes enough to live this way, I believe that I will have succeeded as a father. Thanks for reading...
3 comments:
Mike, I agree with you on the positive side. I don't love diabetes, but it's not all negative either. It's made Mikel more responsible and mature. He's enjoyed the support group, and loves the diabetic camp. Does he think it sucks to be diabetic, yes he does, but he's told me that if he weren't diabetic, he would have not met a lot of people, attended some fun events, camp etc. When asked if he would like to be cure several years ago, he said not yet, I want to be able to go to camp some more. I like you am positive in my attitude towards diabetes. Does everyone think the same way, no. And that's ok, we all deal with it differently. I don't think you meant that you were glad Adele had diabetes, but she has, and you were just looking at it in a positive way. There are worse things then diabetes.
Mike, You are totally right it is definity in the ATTITUDE. Jazz once said to the doctor that for her it was a previledge because she had to take care of herself. There are worst things in life. I had tears in my eyes listen to her. She has an amazing attitude and she is a teenager. As a parent, I am really grateful for that. I have learnt so much from my child.
I was reading your blog and came across these two post that reminded me of another post from a D mom blogger that I also follow. Her name is Jill (Diabetes Sweeties.blogspot.com) and her post was about attitude:
I asked Kacey the other day when her blood sugars were over 400 (they are American and you have to divide BG#'s by 18 to convert to Canadian) and we were making the correction factor change. I asked her..."Aren't there times when you just hate diabetes?" and she looked down at the floor and then looked back at me with such a serious face and she replied... "If I hated diabetes then I'd hate myself because it is part of me." W-O-W! Ummm...ok. What do you say to an answer like that? Diabetes is a part of who she is....just like an arm or a leg.
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