Merry Christmas !!

The fat lady has not finished singing yet, so the Type 1 game is still on. It's been keeping us quite busy these past weeks with all the special Christmas activities at Adele's school and daycare. These celebratory festivities often involve food treats and a change in the daily routine, both of which force us to make adjustments in our Type 1 game plan. We're all tired, but mostly enjoying the festive time of year. Adele is very, very excited!

My brain has been behaving for the most part. It did start acting up though last week when I came across a story on a Diabetes support forum about a young man who died in 2002 while sleeping when his insulin pump malfunctioned going into prime mode and "priming" (or injecting) the entire contents of his insulin cartridge. He never woke up. This story scared me so much that I couldn't get it out of my head. I initially thought about keeping these thoughts to myself, but decided to share here to make a point of how delicate the Type 1 game is. We're trying to constantly maintain a balance using a very, very powerful drug called insulin. With over 100 units of insulin in Adele's pump (way more than the lethal dose) directly connected to her body, it's basically like walking around with a loaded gun pointed at your head. Similar to a gun, there are safety features in the pump that minimize the likelyhood of a malfunction, but the analogy makes our reality quite scary. How would you feel if your child was living with a loaded gun pointed to her head?

I still drive my car and my bike even if accident statistics tell me that I shouldn't, so I have decided to let it go. I've also decided to stay away from Diabetes support forums for a while. Reading about long-term complications, problems and tragedies like this doesn't help me. Even if the positive information on those sites is helpful and encouraging, the also present negative aspects and comments just get to me too much. I may just be burying my head in the sand? If I am, so be it...

Adele wrote a letter to one of her heros (Santa) a few weeks ago. This gave me the idea to also write a letter to one of my favorite heros:

Dear Adele,

I often tell you how proud I am of you, but still don't think that I tell you enough. I am proud of all of the hard work that you have done in school so far this year which resulted in a very, very good report card. I am proud of how you handle the pain, inconvieniences and sacrifices that you need to make because of your Diabetes. I am proud of you when you manage to maintain a brave face in spite of all of the needles that we need to poke you with. I am proud of your awesome performance in your school Christmas concert as well as the Christmas show that you did at daycare. I am proud of your swimming accomplishments this past year.

Continue to live without self-pity and never, ever let your Diabetes hold you back from acheiving your dreams of becoming either a teacher or a doctor, representing Canada by swimming in the Olympics, owning a big house with a pool and getting married and having the 2 kids that you often talk about.

I'm sorry that I sometimes hurt you with the multiple needles that you need to stay alive. I'm sorry that I sometimes lose patience with you when your blood sugar doesn't cooperate with your treatment. It's not your fault whatsoever and I will try to not take out my Type 1 game frustrations on you. All that I want is for you to be happy and as healthy as possible.

You're growing up to be a very, very special big girl with many qualities. I hope that you can one day find a reason for all of your Diabetes suffering and that you are able to use this to continue to make a difference.

Merry Christmas Adele

I love you

Papa