Authentic connection

Exhausting.  Walking around pretending.  One too many fake smiles.  More than enough phony conversations.  How’s it going?  We don’t really want to know.  We’re just trying to be polite by asking the question.  Hypocritical small talk.  Is silence just too uncomfortable?  I guess that’s why I prefer working from home.  I guess that’s also why I prefer being alone rather than socializing.  I just can’t stand the fakeness of it anymore.  Instead of squandering empty words into the air, I much prefer authentic connection.  I need it actually.  It feeds me.  Lifts me up.  Reminds me that life is so much more than all this pointless babble.  Last Friday.  The day after the coldest night of this season.  Feeling underdressed.  Rolling down my snow covered driveway.  A slap to my body’s face.  Blood pumping.  The spin of my legs cranking up my inner furnace.  That’s my favorite thing about getting out in the deep cold.  It shocks me into the present moment.  The crisp air instantly bringing me back to my body.  This thermal emergency.  The frosty air entering my lungs making me more aware of my breath.  Cold air is clear air.  Clear air is clear mind.  Cleansing.  As much as indoor riding has simply become too exhausting for me, riding outside in these harsh conditions gives me the authentic connection that I crave.  My bridge back to myself.  My bridge back to nature.  Me here for life.  Now.  Life here for me.  Now.