Cry

Healing.  Part 2.  Crying into my first breath.  How we all emerge into this world.  The most natural thing.  Our innate ability to embody all emotion.  But what happens when we get older?  Do our eyes dry up?  Why is it so difficult for the adult me to shed tears?  I have always been an emotional human.  But, growing up I quickly learned that it wasn’t safe to express painful emotions in most situations.  It would get you ridiculed.  Bullied even.  Big boys don’t cry.  So in order to fit in, I learned to stiffen my upper lip.  To push it all back in.  Resourcefully doing what I needed to do in order to gain acceptance.  The most common survival mechanism.  The problem is that most of us get so good at concealing and burying these emotions that we completely lose contact with them.  So very out of touch with how we really feel.  Especially men.  Maybe that’s why our life expectancy is less than women?  All these stuffed, stale and toxic emotions eventually making us physically ill.  I really miss that soothing feeling that I used to experience as a young boy after crying it out.  The release of this pain through these tears.  Blissful exhaustion.  Alone in this forest.  I feel safe.  Nature’s embrace inviting me to fully embody all that I am feeling.  No one to judge.  No one to fool.  Just me and my shit.  Stuck emotions coming up as I pedal amongst these meditating snow covered trees.  Just step out of the way and let them flow.  Maybe that’s the whole purpose of my solo rides in the woods at this point in my life.  To gently teach me how to cry again.