Fall Equinox

Fall equinox.  The tipping point.  When nights begin overtaking days.  My inner darkness also coming out of its shadow masquerading as anxiety.  Covid cases surging in my corner of Canada.  Mandatory mask policies reinstated.  And there’s also this mid-life predicament.  Standing at these crossroads.  Pondering my next move.  During one of his talks, spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti surprised his audience when he said “Do you want to know my secret?”.  Everyone was all ears.  What he was about to say was the reason why they had come to listen to him speak.  His answer was simply “I don’t mind what happens”.  Can it really be that simple?  The urge to be in control of my own narrative has been very strong lately.  My fear response.  But what if instead of forcing my own destiny, I just let my narrative write itself?  I suffer whenever I’m not in alignment with reality, whenever I don’t let this moment be just as it is, when I label it as bad or even as good.  In my head.  Suffocating.  I desperately need some space.  Another solo day trip to Fundy National Park.  The smell and taste are definitely autumn, but the sun still feels like summer.  Something about this place creates a much needed opening deep inside of me.  Breathing space.  After my usual Whitetail loop, I head down to Herring Cove.  Barefoot on the rocky sand.  Grounded.  I meditate for a bit in the cool salt water.  This existence.  Maybe it’s already exactly how it should be.  Maybe there is nothing to fear except fear itself.  I have no idea how my story is going to eventually end.  But, in this moment, I can feel a certain liberation from my distress simply watching it all unfold.