Monday, November 22, 2021

Who is this feeding?

Is this feeding my ego?  Or is this feeding my soul?  I have been asking myself these questions a whole lot lately.  Every single thing that we do fosters one or the other.  Or a combination of both.  But one of them is always at the very least slightly being favored.  My ego.  This inner voice in my head comparing and measuring how and where I fit in.  This learned mental construct.  The fake me.  My soul.  This intuitive knowing feeling deep in my heart.  This love.  This compassion.  Eternal.  The true me.  Yesterday I surpassed my total mileage ridden from last year.  The most since my concussion in 2016.  My ego really got a buzz from that.  It lives by the numbers.  But It also isn’t happy for very long.  Fueled by fear, it just keeps wanting more and more.  It’s an asshole like that.  If you have been in the sport long enough you have probably noticed that ego driven cyclists don’t last.  They ride and perform for a few years then disappear.  Their egos get bored after a while and lose interest once they stop improving.  Lifelong cycling is a soul inspired endeavor.  It has to be.  It may even be something that we’re born with.  In our blood.  Coded in our genes.  Above this season’s numbers, I gratefully recognize the moments of deep peace that I have felt during these rides.  That grounding feeling.  Bringing me back home.  What does my riding feed?  Does it feed my ego or my soul?  There is certainly a bit of both, but I truly feel that these ever so subtle soul whispers are what entice me to keep pedaling.  Thank you cycling.  It’s been a great year so far.


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