Stinger Expectations

 

Vacation is a big deal for me. Very high on my love list. Extra time off work more important than a pay raise. It’s not that I’m filthy rich. It’s just that I already have more stuff than I have time to adequately use and enjoy. So basically, what I really crave at this point in my life is more time to enjoy said stuff. Because my summer time off is so important to me, I had very high expectations. Endlessly dreaming about it all year. I know that I should be living in every present moment instead of longing for future salvation, but lately, if I’m totally honest, I haven’t been so good at practicing this. Sunny, warm days. Calm morning walks at the beach. Long rides. I even have a ride list that I started writing last winter. Expectations. The mental image of how things should be. Such a recipe for disappointment, frustration and unhappiness. I should know better, but I still can’t get out of my head sometimes. Last week was my first week off. I jumped in with both feet. 3 rides in the first 4 days. Then, the weather changed. A cold front rolled in. I longed for it to feel like summer again. I kept going back to the mental image I had created in my mind and felt much discontentment that reality didn’t match. Rolling through my neighborhood Wednesday afternoon, I got stung by I still don’t know what. It was not a bee. It was huge. It landed on my left knee and instantly helped itself to my quad. I swatted it off but it was too late. Maybe some type of horse fly? The sting seemed to penetrate my entire thigh. I didn’t have a good feeling about it. In denial. A déjà vu from about 7-8 years ago. An acute allergic reaction. Itchy beyond words the next day. Red. Swollen. Antibiotics. I hate taking meds. But in this case, it was necessary. The universe showing me that I’m not the one calling the shots at the end of the day. A few days later, the summer weather has returned and my knee feels much better. A dog walk on the beach with my wife. A gravel ride around the city. My entire being settling into our staycation. No expectations. Wide open. Who knew that an insect had so much to teach me about letting go of expectations.