Thursday, October 7, 2021

Is this suffering optional?

I suffer whenever I believe that there exists a point in time when I will no longer suffer.  The promise of a future nirvana started with the fairytales that I listened to as a young child.  “And they lived happily ever after” is how they all seemed to end.  As I got older, and life became more complicated, it was a matter of “if I can just finish school”.  That became “if I can just graduate from university and have a career”.  But even with that first real job, I still had to pay my dues.  Underpaid.  Overworked.  Push through it.  It will be worth it in the end is what I was being told.  The cure for the lack that you are feeling is to work your way up the corporate ladder.  Life gets better the closer you get to the top.  Such a believable illusion manufactured by our capitalist society.  That dream job.  Does it even exist?  Peace and salvation from our suffering always seems to be right there.  Just around the corner.  The next thing.  After we finish this thing.  This never ending cycle of broken promises.  Middle age.  And still agonizing.  Uncomfortably sitting in this painful void.  What can save me now?  Retirement.  Is that when I will finally be free from this suffering?  Is that why they call it the “golden years”?  So much of our suffering happens in our minds.  When how we think things should be don’t match what they actually are.  Tormented by our expectations.  Will I ever be able to drop my attachment with a certain outcome?  Is it even possible to live in harmony with reality?  It seems like there simply will always be something.  The eventual breakdown of our physical bodies.  Sickness.  Aches and pains.  Trauma and loss.  Maybe our fear of this pain is what makes us suffer most.  Endlessly afflicted by this human condition.  Strangely, whenever I fully accept the fact that there will always be suffering in life, the less that I suffer.


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