Friday, October 23, 2020

Out there

In here.  After a few days, I can feel myself getting fidgety.  Stifled.  Walks with the dog help.  But the distance I can cover on foot still isn’t quite enough.  I need more space.  I need to go further.  I need to go deeper.  I need to go out there.  Sometimes I feel like my riding is a run away attempt, but I have now come to understand that it is more about making room.  Room to feel more safely.  Room to feel more comfy in my misery.  This outer vastness coaxing me to drop my armour.  Out there, with plenty of room for it all, this anguish slowly begins to lose its power.  My pedals funneling it through me.  Unrestricted, every single thing  flows more freely.  Out there, on my bike, in the open, is where I feel most human, most alive.  Nature’s magnificent backdrop harbouring it all.  Out there, I am reminded of my insignificance, that these problems only exist in here, in the narrow confines of my limited mind.  When the environment I submerge myself in opens so do I.  Out there, this extra room gives me space.   Space for all that comes up.  Space to lay it all out in the open.  Space to organize it all.  Space to decide what I want to keep.  Space to decide what I need to let go.  Out there.  Always better than in here.  Do you also long to go?  Out there.

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